Saturday, May 23, 2009

Just for me...

I knew that this past Mothers Day would be really difficult for me, but I felt I had prepared myself for it. Kyle had to work, and so I was at church alone, which is hard enough on a regular Sunday. The topic was a pretty sensitive one for me that day, but over this last year I have learned how to put on a smile and get through it.

Sacrament came, and went, and I held it together.

After everything was over, I felt pretty relieved, but as I was pulling out my hymnbook, my Bishop stood up to the pulpit. He said that although this day was meant for the praise of Mothers, he felt like he should acknowledge those women in our church who had not been able to bear children yet. I could feel the tears coming, and I tried blinking them back, but all of the emotions I had been holding back came spilling out. He read the following quote from a talk by Sheri Dew:

"Nevertheless, the subject of motherhood is a very tender one, for it evokes some of our greatest joys and heartaches. This has been so from the beginning.... Some mothers experience pain because of the children they have borne; others feel pain because they do not bear children here. About this Elder John A. Widtsoe was explicit: 'Women who through no fault of their own cannot exercise the gift of motherhood directly, may do so vicariously.'

For reasons known to the Lord, some women are required to wait to have children. This delay is not easy for any righteous woman. But the Lord’s timetable for each of us does not negate our nature. Some of us, then, must simply find other ways to mother. And all around us are those who need to be loved and led."

I know that God is aware of the pain Kyle and I have been through this last year. I am so grateful for what was said that day. I often have felt like there isn't anybody who understands what we are going through, which is probably very true if I only consider the people around me, but untrue if I consider my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I need to be patient, and I know that somewhere on God's timetable, there is a place for Kyle and I to become parents. That day made me feel like there was something that needed to be said, just for me.


Ash and Casey Woodyatt said...

Oh kel,
You are going to make me cry. That was very well said. But you will have a turn when the time is right and it will make it even that more exciting.
But after you watch Kobe today you may be very thankful. Haha. Jk. I hope he behaves. Good luck.
I do think you are an amazing person and will make an amazing mother someday.

The Neilson Family said...

How I feel your pain. You really need to call me and we can talk. This brought tears to my eyes. I feel the same way you do and I am truly sorry. Good luck!

The Grampp Fam said...

Well spoken :) Heavenly Father does know exactly what each of us needs to hear, and on that Sunday, it was shown to you. Although I am a mother now, I still think about all of those amazing women who I know(you), and who I don't know who have no children, and how they are feeling, I know those pains. The same goes with husbands. But like you said, Heavenly Father does have a plan for you and Kyle, and it sure must be an amazing one! He obviously has some GREAT things in store for the both of you. Love you both! P.S.-Come see us!!!

Katie & Justus said...

Hey Kelli, hang in there. I know what its like to wait, and I know that Justus and I have definitely grown closer as a family and we will appreciate the time we do get to be parents because we've been waiting for over two years now. It will happen, and when it does you'll be ready spiritually to bring the newest spirit into this world.

Tony and Whitney said...

I am right there with you. It took us 3 years to have our lovely 6 week old boy. We went through quite a bit, and we were ready to adopt when I found out I was pregnant. My husband and I thought the hardest part was other people's views of us. We have been married 6 years, and we don't have kids, but we both work a lot and travel quite a bit. From the outside, it looks selfish, but from the inside, the pain is intense. I always knew there was just something I had to learn before I became a mother. Now that I have a baby, I don't think I would have been prepared before now. It will happen; it may not be in our time or our way, but it will happen. Hang in there.

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